


I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend

by thelonelywriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crushes, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, just angst in general, or not light idk i'm bad at deciding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 01:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13625877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonelywriter/pseuds/thelonelywriter
Summary: “So, you’re lonely, huh?” Dean sighs.Cas nods.“Is that why you’re quiet?”Cas nods.Dean, again, isn’t really so sure how to respond.“Can I make you… not lonely?”Cas gives Dean a smirk at that, and Dean hopes the blush on his cheeks is attributed to cold weather by Cas.“And how would you do that?” Cas inquires. Dean licks his lips.





	I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend

**Author's Note:**

> i have had a BAD DAY and i'm sad, i'm on my period, i feel shitty, i feel lonely, so i wanted to take it out in writing and actually write something sad for once which i never do esp. on sad days like usually i'd write something happy to cheer me up but there's this song that has the lyrics 'i don't wanna be your friend i wanna kiss your lips' and it always makes me sad and i thought i could rope cas and dean in w/ it

The cold air by the ocean passes by, that kind of cold that cuts right through you, speaks a testament to the upcoming winter. Dean hugs his sweatshirt closer to him, letting out a long sigh, looking out at the horizon where the sun is half set over blue waters and slight waves that lap the shore of the beach. There are little clouds floating by here and there, and Dean takes a moment to appreciate the way that the sun makes them look like little pieces of cotton candy floating through the sky.

Next to him, Dean feels a nudge to his arm, and he turns, seeing the half outstretched and relaxed arm of Cas, offering him a joint in extended fingers. Dean doesn’t flinch, only reaches out and takes it between his fingers.

“Thanks,” he mumbles softly, and Cas makes a indifferent noise next to him, outstretched arm coming back in, crossing itself over the other one, likely to try and keep as much warmth to himself as possible. Dean can’t blame him. It’s fucking cold out. Dean didn’t even necessarily think it was a good idea to go to the little place they tended to frequent by the beach, the little seawall that they liked to lean on. But, Cas was insistent. Typical, Dean thought. Cas was always looking for an excuse to smoke with someone, whoever it may be. Cas was always a social smoker.

Dean takes the joint between his lips and gives a long inhale, loving the way a warmth blooms inside of him but hating the harshness of the smoke itself. He takes it away from his lips and parts them, simply letting the smoke drift out and get carried away by cool winds before he exhales.

“It’s so fucking cold,” he supplies helpfully and quietly next to Cas. Cas just hums. The guy is impervious to the elements of weather apparently. He’s also being a little quiet, something that Dean doesn’t hesitate to point out. When he’s buzzed like this, conversation with Cas seems a little less scary.

“You’re quiet,” Dean tells Cas as he takes another smooth, small drag from the joint before offering it back to Cas who takes it in nimble fingers.

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

There’s a pause. Dean’s still looking at the sunset, but out of the corner of his eye, he can see Cas taking a drag from the joint.

“I’m lonely.”

“Lonely?”

“Yes.”

Another pause. Dean’s not so sure what to say next.

“Why?”

Cas glances over at Dean and he’s got that sly little smile on that he wears sometimes, that little quirk upwards of his lips that makes Dean’s heart tumble a little.

“Usually when you’re lonely, it’s because you’re often alone.”

Cas’ face tinges itself with a pensive look.

“I think I’m often alone.”

Dean smiles a little at that, taking back the joint that Cas has handed him for the umptheth time. They’re still only halfway through it though. Dean is only at this buzzed point, that point where certain things are interesting and everything feels warm. There’s a fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he’s not too sure if that’s from smoking. It happens sometimes when he’s around Cas.

Dean has been good at keeping the crush he’s had on Cas since freshman year under wraps, but he’s starting to worry. It’s been two years and things have only gotten worse. At first, Cas was always being viewed from afar because he was two years older, but as the years went on a friendship between Dean and Cas developed. They’ve been friends for some time now.

“You’re always smoking with someone though. You’re always out somewhere,” Dean argues, handing the joint back to Cas. 

“What makes you think that?”

The smile on Cas’ face has grown a little, and it makes Dean’s cheeks heat. Suddenly, it’s hard to look at Cas, so Dean looks at the horizon instead. His thoughts wander for a moment, and for a second he wonders what it’d be like if him and Cas were standing there as something different. He wonders what it’d be like if they were standing there together sharing kisses. Holding hands maybe.

Dean dismisses the thought immediately.

“I don’t know. From what you tell me, you’re always out doing something. You have friends too,” Dean adds on. 

“A lot of people have already left for college. A few of my friends just moved away too. Lately, you’ve kind of been the only person I’ve been hanging out with.”

Dean looks over at Cas at that, watches the cherry of the joint light up as Cas takes a big inhale then pulls it away, tilting up his head just so and letting out a gorgeous french inhale that Dean envies. Dean was never any good at smoke tricks, but Cas was a pro. Cas had tried to teach Dean a few things in the past, but it usually always ended up with them in a fit of giggles and Dean feeling something heavy in his chest.

There was always something about being with Cas that made everything bittersweet.

“So, you’re lonely, huh?” Dean sighs. 

Cas nods.

“Is that why you’re quiet?”

Cas nods.

Dean, again, isn’t really so sure how to respond.

“Can I make you… not lonely?”

Cas gives Dean a smirk at that, and Dean hopes the blush on his cheeks is attributed to cold weather by Cas.

“And how would you do that?” Cas inquires. Dean licks his lips.

If Dean’s being real, the way he would make Cas not lonely would be to hold his hand and give him a tender kiss. If Dean wanted to keep Cas’ loneliness at bay, he’d lean over right now and close the space between them.

Dean looks over at Cas from that scruff he never shaves to the messy hair, those eyes that are bright blue, those eyes that are tinged with something like sorrow but alight with something like hope. There’s so much to Cas that Dean has learned to adore. There’s so much to Cas that Dean wants to see, to uncover. Cas always had been somewhat of an enigma with a rough childhood, some secrets up his sleeves, and the fact that he was two years older. He’d always been someone Dean looked up to.

He’d been the first person Dean thought, possibly, maybe, he had fallen a little bit in love with. And now Cas is looking at him, head tilted, amusement on his face. That mix of happy and sad is killing Dean, and all he can hear is that question, that question of how he would or even could cure Cas’ loneliness.

Dean knows, one chance, one kiss, maybe…

“I don’t know.”

Dean’s response is quiet, and he can’t look at Cas when he says it.

“I don’t really know how to cure loneliness.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if i made u sad!!! tell me if u'd like me to continue maybe and get that unrequited love to be requited, i might be able to fix this mess of dean being shy and cas being possibly oblivious, we'll see, who knows
> 
> thank you for reading!!!!


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